Communication in your marriage can be a lot like dancing. Discussion flow and move forward when we take turns speaking.

But when we don’t follow the steps of good communication, we struggle with who leads, we step on each other’s toes, and we move away from each other rather than with each other.

There’s no fluid movement and no yielding the other. More often than not, communication in your marriage can be more like a battle of tug of war than a beautiful waltz. 

That’s because of our sinful hearts. We naturally desire to have our own way. We look out for what we think is best for ourselves instead of seeking what is best for others. Our first instinct is not to extend grace, but to stand our ground and win at all costs.

Watch any group of children on the playground trying to agree on what game to play and you’ll see what I mean. 

Communication is often an underlying problem in marriage. For many of us, we just don’t know how to talk to our spouses without one or both of us getting upset. 

When there is a lack of communication in marriage it can cause the relationship to become stagnant.

In addition to our sinful nature, many of us never witnessed gracious and open communication in our families growing up. We were never taught the basic steps.

It is possible for marital communication to become less like a tug-of-war and more like a beautiful dance. The Bible tells us that in Christ we are a new creation {2 Corinthians 5:17KJV}.

Through Christ’s perfect life and sacrificial death on the cross, he has freed us from the law of sin and death so that we can walk according to the Spirit rather than our sinful desires.

He empowers us through his Spirit to love others with the same grace he has given to us. The more we die to sin, the more we can live for Christ, and that includes communicating with love and grace. 

Do you ever struggle in communicating with your spouse? Here are a few important tips that can help us move toward our spouse in grace. 5 tips for improving the communication in your marriage.

man and woman hugging

Communication TIP #1 Respect EacH OTHER Opinion


This seems obvious but how often in real conversation do we interrupt each other? Or both try to talk at the same time? In a waltz, only one person leads the dance.

In communication, we have to take turns speaking. It shows respect for the other person when we listen to what they have to say. “Be Completely humble and gentle; be patient,  bearing with one another in love”( Ephesians 4:2).

Communication TIP #2 LISTEN

The person who is listening does not interrupt,  even if the other person is saying something that the listener believes is wrong.  As James wrote, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” {James1:19 NIV}.

This also means they are not thinking the entire time about what they want to say in return.  Rather, they are paying close attention to what the other person is saying so that they can effectively understand.

Communication TIP #3 AVOID ASSUMING

When certain things are vague to you, it is best you ask questions instead of assuming the opposite. Assumptions without proper information could be very disastrous.

Your partner may have good intentions for you but because you didn’t ask him/her what their plans are but chose to assume the outcome, it could land you into trouble.

Communication TIP #4 BE OPEN-MINDED

Give room for differing opinions on little things, which lays a foundation for handling differences in big things. Come into the conversation without your mind made up, and without being firmly entrenched in the position. Approach each other with a focus on discussion, not persuasion.


Couples who have fun together are much more likely to stay together. Playfulness and humor are vital to a marriage. Cultivating shared interests and hobbies, or  socializing with other couples is very important in creating threads of connection and intimacy.”

Some topics are serious and need to be treated seriously, but it is also important to make time for having fun. Evaluate the appropriate time and place for important discussions and balance those out with activities of mutual enjoyment.

Roeshelle L. Lewis 

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